Susie, whom I often call my aloe vera plant, calmed me down and helped me see things with spiritual eyes. She reassured me that I’d be ok and that I didn’t want Trinity as he was. She said he wouldn’t and couldn’t be the man I needed him to be and he wouldn’t be the man he wanted to be if he didn’t tie up some loose ends. She went on to say this was really a good thing as it looked like Trinity was trying to heal some old wounds. She also said she admired Trinity for tackling this and working through it. She felt Trinity might have been scared by his feelings for me and he was trying to outrun them. Yeah, I get that.
Those words, the choice of words, calmed me. Remember my ‘Beauty’ blog about seeing things with spiritual eyes? This was the start of me learning how to do just that.
Susie called me several times a day for over a week. She’s the best mother hen to have in your corner when you are in the fetal position and don’t understand a dang thing about anything. She calmed me, time and time again, with her spiritual and reassuring maternal voice. I think back to the kindness she showed me when I was so helpless and it brings tears to my eyes.
She kept telling me Trinity and I had unfinished business. Her spiritual words resonated with me and I think Trinity had felt it too as he had kept repeating, “I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know if this is right” when he was dumping me. I held tight to both of their words.
Both my nieces were ready to kill Trinity. They had very harsh words to say about him and I had to tell them it wasn’t helpful, nor did I want to hear it. I told them it was OK for Trinity to try and finish loose ends and he was doing what he felt was right. He hadn’t kept me hanging on and he hadn’t been unfaithful. He was doing what he needed to do in order to better himself. To hear him, the man I loved, belittled and called names did not sit well with me. I get it though, someone hurts someone you love, all you can think to do is trash talk them but it’s not helpful. At least it wasn’t for me.
What Susie did for me spiritually, Charmaine did for me emotionally and physically. She took me under her wing and kept me very busy on weekends. We would have great talks, long walks and even though I was adamant Trinity would return to me, she gently encouraged me to keep my options open.
While I was trying to heal, I would hear snippets of what Trinity was doing. Through the grapevine I was told he left me for the ex-girlfriend who had called him the night I was painting. Now, if that doesn’t drive a knife right through a woman’s heart, I don’t know what would. Interestingly enough, he later told me she wasn’t interested in a relationship. Karma, baby. Karma.
Then I heard he had sold his West Fargo home and moved to Mankato to be with a gal. That almost wrecked me. I kept wondering when he was going to come back to me and it felt like I was being silly holding on to that dream. Plus, I was angry that he seemed to be over me so quickly when I was sure he knew I was his One.
Then the Universe stepped in. I started seeing the number “3” everywhere. I’d hear songs on the radio and I knew they were messages from my Guys. I even had a few random encounters where I would see Trinity but he didn’t see me. Once he was riding his motorcycle and I passed him. When I recognized him, I had to pull over as my leg was shaking so badly I couldn’t press the gas pedal. Who’s with me on that?! Hum on!
After that, I had a complete crying breakdown. I said, “What is he doing?! I can’t wait much longer, God. I am SO lonely. I’ve learned what I needed to learn. What is he DOING?! WHY hasn’t he called?!” Then to the astral version of Trinity I said, “Hurry up and learn what you need to learn, Trinity. Hurry up!”
News reached me that Trinity was no longer with the Mankato gal and he had moved back to Fargo. (Come ON, Trinity…HURRY UP!!!) It was also about that time Charmaine mentioned ideas as to how I could meet men. What she was suggesting, while considered the norm these days, held no interest for me. I didn’t want to do on-line dating or go on blind dates. It just didn’t feel right and in truth, it didn’t feel necessary.
Finally, one evening during Grey’s Anatomy (back when Grey’s was goooooood), my phone rang. I answered and heard, “Hello, Melissa.” Without waiting for him to identify himself I said, “Hello Trinity” and he replied, “Can we talk?”
As a smile split my face, my eyes looked toward the ceiling and a huge wave of gratitude and relief rolled through me. Tears formed in my eyes and I mouthed a silent, ‘Thank you, THANK YOU!!’ to God. To Trinity I giggled and said, “Sure! What TOOK you so long?!”